St. Augustine WCR hears from the mayor
04/16/2007
by Michele Newbern Gillis
Staff Writer
Negotiating is an art. The art of listening, empathizing and gaining usable knowledge can really up your game when entering into a negotiation.
Members of the St. Augustine Women’s Council of Realtors got some tips last month from a person who’s continually negotiating: St. Augustine Mayor Joe Boles.
“Negotiation is face-to face,” said Boles to the group at Carrabba’s Italian Grill. “When you are negotiating, you are on the front lines. One of the greatest skills that you can bring to that dynamic is empathy. Empathy is where you actually feel the other person’s feelings. Now why would you care about being empathetic when you are negotiating? Because your goal is to get what you want.
“Your goal is to win. It’s still combat on some level, but face-to-face negotiation brings to the table a lot of things mediation, arbitration and trials don’t.”
Boles explained that negotiation involves listing, active listening, clarifying your own purpose and a willingness for everyone to win.
“Knowledge is power,” he said. “The more you know about the person on the other side of the table that you are negotiating with the better.”
Before the negotiation, you should find out the name of everyone involved, where they live and work and clubs or organizations they belong to.
“Anytime you enter into a negotiation, whether it is on a real estate contract, or conflict with it, how many times do we need to know everyone’s name?” he said. “If you don’t know the players, you are not going to be successful. You need to know where they live. If you have someone coming to buy, find out where they live now. Because where they live now is a big motivator about where they are going to live.”
All of this information will help you gain knowledge and give you leverage to build trust with the other person to help with your negotiation.
“Knowledge is power,” he said. “Knowledge is confidence. Listening is very important and is not just for the intake of information. If you are actively listening, you need to let them know by repeating what you heard them say. Then they know you are actually hearing them.”
Boles said you build trust with active listening. The knowledge you gain helps you to be more comfortable with the person and secure and confident in what you are doing.
“No one likes anything any better than to talk about themselves,” he said. “We all love to talk about ourselves. You have to help them talk about themselves and to feel more comfortable. If you have done your homework and know the person’s favorite restaurant, do the negotiation there. Then they are comfortable right off the bat.”
While you are listening, you need to listen for what is important to the other person and what their goal is.
“You need to find out if they are intractable or malleable,” he said. “What is their bottom line position? Can you change their mind or will you run into a brick wall every time?”
You find out all this by listening to them talk about themselves.
“Just let him run off at the mouth and you will get a lot of information that will be helpful as you move forward,” he said.
Boles said it is very important to clarify your goals right up front.
“If you are clear on what you want out of that negotiation and clear on what part you are willing to give up, change or modify then you are better able to listen without anything getting in the way you focusing on your own goal,” he said.
Boles said you have to have a willingness for everyone to win.
“What happens when you reach a point where what you are going to win and what they are going to win are mutually exclusive?” he said. “Sometimes that happens.
“Well, then you need to know enough about this person to begin to shift this thing around so that they can find somewhere they can win. The best thing you can do is to have the other person walking out of there thinking they really did well in their negotiation. You never want to be gleeful and happy at the end of a negotiation and say ‘I did a wonderful job and kicked your butt’. You want to be grateful for how well the session went and how wonderful it was to sit down with them and reach this mutually agreeable position.”
As a final point, Boles said that sometimes you will run into people in negotiations that you just don’t like or that are very boisterous. He said the best way to handle that is to acknowledge it, tell the person you see they have a strong personality and that you don’t want to butt heads with them. Tell them you appreciate their strength and commitment and then move forward from there to reach a mutually agreeable resolution.
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