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GUEST COLUMN: Dear Enemy of The People ...
The St. Augustine Record
I am as irate as anyone who has observed the antics of the free press in this nation. It has been day-and-night, night-and-day coverage since Jan. 20, 2017. Who do you think you are printing news like this, the gatekeepers of our open society? How much mollycoddling do you think we need? You’re spoon-feeding us pabulum at every turn!
You leap-frog across the country and globe to report news from the current White House and its administration. Oh, those long stays at golf resorts must be a struggle for you, as must be the luxury and luminary status of flying Air Force One.
There is a long and pervasive history with what the print media does. I mean, just look at what those two bastions of vigilance and anal retentiveness, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, did during the Nixon administration. Those two journalists put The Washington Post back on the map and made it co-equal with The New York Times. Perfidy! And over what; a small break-in at the Watergate Hotel? Hardly worth the coverage.
The current mot du jour is “fear.” Do I have fear? Yes, in copious amounts. I fear “fake news” and “alternate facts.” No, we won’t allow this, free press. Your time is up. Ask around, get three individual confirmations. Drudgery creates the modern martyrs of our times. Sad!
Now all you press types have investigative specialties, a reflection of market segmentation to be sure. As goes business, so goes the press? Why so many specialists? Must we citizens be fed our daily ink and gruel by the slop bucket of the free media until we gag? Why are you doing this to us? Fattening us for some looming, undefined, and imaginary purge of democracy? When will you scribblers and audio-tapers let it go?
Despite the eruption of social media, which is our news source now, scooping real news and spewing lava all over The Fourth Estate (and I mean print), newspapers persist. They are as pernicious slugs in our gardens of peace and tranquility; always stirring up something in a medium that is tangible. All news should be ephemeral, leaving the reader only with a fleeting biliousness. We do not wish information, only juvenile headlines, all with pop-culture references.
I cite The First Amendment to enshrine my arguments. Pay particular attention to the punctuation.
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
The mighty comma proves adding “the press” is an afterthought. James Madison, in his initial submission in 1789, parsed “the press” as an insignificant addendum to what really matters —then and now.
A free press in our nation is an anomaly. Face it. We are out of goose step with most of the world. Just look at the numbers. What’s it going to matter if we get our news from you, or from a state paper or state news channel? Allow us to be on one page and let us be more welcoming of prior restraint.
You vexing chameleons have seen your day. The fluctuations from red, white, to blue and back again are unnatural. Stop the presses! We neither wish to think nor be informed nor engaged. Period. Non-negotiable. And that’s huge.
Opinion editor’s note: Lampooning the GOP is but one of Waldhari’s many hobbies.”
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